Sorority Row
Release Date:
September 11, 2009
How can so few be able to answer the question of what happens beyond death, yet so many have pointless opinions on how to get there? Helping prove that point is Summit Entertainment, with their upcoming horror release Sorority Row. Yet another remake of a past horror flick that nobody cared about, this regurgitation seems much worse than all the rest.
While Michael Bay has found success slaughtering historical horror films and rebuilding their mangled pieces into mainstream features, they often merely serve as showcases for actors from the CW channel or a cinematographers latest creative camera angel. Nothing is ever actually enhanced or upgraded, short of the body count. What speaks so low to the expected quality of this self-proclaimed cult-classic is that it won’t even live up to the sub-standard we’ve come to expect from the bi-weekly horror release. Its cast is full of Hollywood C-list rejects, the kind of actors the CW wouldn’t even hire.
Looking back, Jessica Biel and Jared Palalecki come off as inspired choices, masterstrokes in casting if you will, compared to this. With Sorority Row, we’re served Briana Evigran, from the unnecessary Step Up 2 the Streets; Rumer Willis, whose only claim to fame is being spawn of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore (someone should have mentioned that acting isn’t actually genetic); and Audrina Patridge, a supporting presence on MTV’s garbage The Hills. How this cast managed to land Carrie Fisher is beyond me. When Princess Leia has to share a camera with sequel sirens, Hollywood offspring and reality rejects, you know an agent needs to be fired.
There are often remakes of horror films I don’t remember well relative to the true classics, and that’s saying a lot as a lover of the horror genre, but this one completely escapes me. Apparently it’s a remake of 1983’s The House on Sorority Row. The plot consists of a group of sorority girls accidentally killing a fellow sister after a prank goes horribly wrong. Naturally, someone finds out and a year later, at graduation, decides to seek masked revenge, with a tire-iron no less. Not only is this a remake, but the plot itself is a replica of so many better, yet still awful, horror films of that time. There is no reason this movie should have been made.
Without any interesting actors or story to go off of, this project is the purest example of exploiting the gore-fetish genre for a few extra bucks. At one point, director Steward Hendler considered lowering the rating to PG-13 after the success of restrained horror films like the Prom Night remake, but ultimately realized that this film was likely fated to direct-to-dvd without it. The R-rating and Carrie Fisher are the only draws here helping this release-date filler. Let’s hope the force is with them. (George Rose/BOP)
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